Husband or Caregiver

written by Jason Barron

…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.

I think when couples are getting married they read and say those words but don’t fully anticipate navigating through any of them. I remember the day when Shauna got the call from her doctor. We were on vacation in Montana and just so happened to be in our bedroom when she took the call. As she hung up the phone, I asked, ‘what did he say?’ When she said she was being referred to an oncologist, a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions took over; but, my faith and my promise stepped forward. With a big hug and tears in my eyes, I told Shauna it was going to be ok. We will believe for your healing and that I would be with her every step of the way.

Vows – to solemnly promise and dedicate to someone or something, daily.

My job provides a flexibility that not many can experience. As a Realtor, I can set my schedule and adjust it when needed. When the time came for Shauna to begin treatment, I told her that I would take her and pick her up from every infusion, no matter how long they took. As the world was still in a state of concern from a pandemic, I was not allowed to be in the infusion room with her.

Leading up to her first treatment, I was strong, encouraging and continued to reassure her that everything would all be ok. On April 7, 2022, we drove an hour to the location of Shauna’s first infusion. As I dropped her off, I reminded her that I was a phone call away and that she would do great. As she walked into the building, I began to drive away then lost it. I broke down, started crying and had to pull over. I cried for several minutes knowing the strongest person I know was beginning her fight and that I could not be there with her. 

I look up to Shauna in so many ways that you may not understand. She is so grounded in her faith, incredibly smart, absolutely beautiful and loves very hard. Obviously, I am biased but if we all could be more like that, the world would be a better place. 

After her treatments she would be a little worn down but tiredness would elevate over the next few days. And just about the time she would start to get her energy back, she would have another treatment. It was a roller coaster of having, then lacking energy which can take a toll on someone who enjoys being active. As a husband, one of my five love languages that I display is acts of service. Because of my flexible work schedule, things like grocery shopping, errands and cooking all fit into our daily life. So, I was accustomed to doing those things which I actually enjoy so that was not a problem. Slowing down in life and spending more time at home was new. 

As a result of her treatment, Shauna experienced a level of exhaustion that not many will know about. She would be fine one minute and then needed a nap the next. I quickly learned that if we were doing something and she would say ‘I am tired’ that we needed to stop what we were doing and leave. When I would see and hear that she needed a nap, my instincts would take over to help her get to a comfortable place so she could rest.  It did not take long to realize that I needed to do more at home as well.

We share a lot of home responsibilities but it was time for Shauna to focus solely on her health which meant I had to take on more tasks so she could rest. A lot of people do not realize that she worked the entire time she received treatment. On her lunch break, she would nap in order to try and have enough energy to finish her day. ‘In sickness and in health’ took on a stronger meaning. I did not think about what all needed to be done, I just did it. 

So, am I a caregiver? By definition I am, but I would much rather be known as her husband, best friend and her Bae!

Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

Hebrews 6:10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.