As we go through storms in life, the mental battle can be the hardest to fight. We may feel alone, anxious, depressed, frustrated, scared, angry, and just completely exhausted with all that is going on around us. I would not be human if I did not feel each of these feelings and more through this process. Through my journey, I have learned not to give these negative feelings priority. Our human nature has a desire to focus on the negative but that is not a healthy place to stay. Along the way, I have had to find a place of peace, not allow my hope to diminish, increase my faith that God has me and is bigger than my problem, and find joy in the process. Is this easy? No, but taking a positive approach is the only way I have been able to get up each day and live in the moment of today.
I will admit that through this process of initially knowing that I now had to be treated and deciding to start quickly, I still had a feeling of aloneness. After all, for the last 2 years, the world has been dealing with the pandemic of COIVD-19. Due to the pandemic, society has to wear masks during medical appointments and tests along with not welcoming visitors to physician appointments. All of these changes, while due to precautions to those with lower immune systems, have caused a feeling of aloneness among many facing chronic illnesses.
The rules of the clinic that I attend do not allow someone to stay with patients during IV infusion treatments. As I was realizing and taking in all of the rules that go with being treated and tested, I suddenly felt alone. For the last 2 years, I had faced this whole process of diagnosis to now treatment alone from a human standpoint. Yes, I do know that as a Christian believer, the Holy Spirit is with me everywhere I go which has helped me a lot. Because I am human flesh and desire other human contact, I suddenly just did not want to physically feel alone any longer. The thought of continuing to endure all of this alone became overwhelming. I am thankful that I do have a great support system of family, friends, and coworkers outside of all the medical appointments. My husband, Jason, committed to bringing me and picking me up to all of my treatments just so I did not feel so alone.
Before beginning my treatment, my doctor did caution me that the medications had a chance of lowering my immune system. Therefore, I took an approach of avoiding large groups of people so that I did not get sick. I was able to work from home and pretty much did not go anywhere for about 2 months which wasn’t easy at times as I missed interaction with people.
As I went to God for help in prayer to cope with the feeling of being alone, He did show me peace and that my hope is not found in my circumstance but in Him. He also helped me understand that I need to allow myself to rest and sleep so that I can recover and heal through the process of the treatments. Once His peace came over me, I had a strength in Him to undergo the treatments even by myself physically.
“Peace I leave with you; My perfect peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid.” John 14:27
You are such a beautiful example of how to face trials that we all have to face. Thank You for your testimony.💕
Love this! Our inner battles seem to be much greater, especially of the mind. However, we are never alone – HE is with us. Maybe this “alone” time doing your treatment is his way to seek him, speak to him and draw even closer to him. After your battle is done, your testimony will be a beautiful motivation for others. Hugs!!